They're 21.

jam du jour: Sexy Love - Ne-Yo

I should sleep; I've got a mental health quiz tomorrow morning and I should really wake up early to get reacquainted with the material so I should sleep, but I of course remembered what today was and felt the need to jot something down. Okay, so jot may not be the correct term, but I'm sure you won't hold it against me.

Today is October 2, 2008. It is the 21st birthday of Kuya Angelo Aquino and Yumi Chloe Song. I will not be able to celebrate either of these milestones with either of them. For one thing, Kuya Angelo is on his first, and God willing final, tour in Iraq; therefore he is celebrating his birthday over there. As for Yumi, she's celebrating her day with God and all our dearly departed loved ones. Happy birthday to those two amazing people, but I must admit that it's a little upsetting that I won't be able to physically see them and celebrate their twenty-first birthdays with either of them. I can't help but flashback to high school where we would talk about how trashed we'd get them on their birthdays and such; how things have changed, none of went as planned. So I may not see them, but I can celebrate it. Yeah, I can celebrate it.

I think it's Yumi that has made me the most upset about today; she's not physically here. Kuya Angelo, though not present in the United States, is, but she's not. It's a sad reminder that she's no longer here. But I shouldn't be spending today, her birthday, thinking about her death. Instead, I should be celebrating and rejoicing in her birth and that, my friends, is how I will get by. So even though it sucks, for lack of a better word, to not be able to really hug, surprise, greet, and celebrate Kuya Angelo and Yumi's birthdays with them, it's their birthday and it calls for a celebration all around. They know I love them and that I'm wishing them happy birthday and that's what matters.

Happy Birthday Kuya Angelo & Yumi!

Kuya, have fun, but as always, please be safe. Come home safe.
Yumi, I feel your presence everyday; I know you're here but I wish you were here.
I love you and miss you both dearly; more than any words could ever convey.

Celebrate the day, celebrate your loved ones.

Confiscation night.

jam du jour: Love, Love, Love by Tristan Prettyman

In about three hours, I will be participating in one of the world's lamest fire drills (and a way for residence life to see what kind of contraband you have in your rooms).

I don't know about you, but if you live in the back houses which are separated from the main campus by two parking lots, and the fire were in one of the main campus building, wouldn't it be smart to, I don't know... stay by the back houses, in the parking lot, away from the fire? Going to the circle and walking amongst burning buildings just does not seem logical.

I'm snarky and sleep-deprived, bare with me.

Time to figure out where I want to escape to for the thirty minutes or so.

Prolonging life.

jam du jour: The Heart Of The Matter - Don Henley

I had a busy day at clinicals today (busy may even be an understatement to describe my day). It was a day where my clinical instructor became my best friend for about four hours, hah.

I'll never forget this case, because it really put into perspective the idea of prolonging life (and because I had to do a run down of the hospital's code procedure with my clinical intructor). You know, the idea of being full code or DNR, otherwise known as Do Not Resuscitate. As I received report during the change of shift, the first words out of the night shift nurse's mouth was "this patient is dying." My heart sunk. Not only is it a sad reality that you go from taking care of a patient to hopefully get them back to normal functioning to providing hospice care. Needless to say, this was not what I had in mind for my first med pass day (15 meds, plus an extra five to aid in her dropping blood pressure) and second day on the unit. This patient is still full code, much to the dissatisfaction of her son, who realizes that it is not right to keep her full code, as well as her own treatment team and the staff. There's more to the story but I'm not going to go much more into it, HIPPA regulations and all, but that's the gist of the situation.

It made me think about what I would do in this situation; if I were comatose, having gradual multi-system failure, solely relying on a vent, and deteriorating right before my loved ones' very eyes, would I want my life to be prolonged? Or if it were my own loved ones, my parents or anyone in my family for example, what would I do? It's hard to switch that full code to DNR, but sometimes it may be the right way to go. There's more that I want to say, but I should really start studying for my tests.

I did happen to find this blog about full code vs. DNR which I found interesting. I advise you to read it; it's a pretty short and a good read: DNR vs. Full Code.

I must admit that it has been a long time since a case made me ponder this much. Needless to say, I spent my day reporting vitals, giving meds, changing decubitis dressings, providing comfort measures, monitoring vitals, suctioning, turning, AM care, and, when things looked like they were going south for a period of time, taking part in the efforts to keep this patient alive. Afterall, just because you are told a patient is dying or even if you know that is the only prognosis, you don't stop providing care. Nurses, student nurses, whatever you may be, you don't stop. Put aside your own belief on the case of full code or DNR; even if you think that they should be DNR though they are full code, that's not your call. Do all that you can do so that you can tell the family that you did everything in your power to save them. You don't stop.

I'll miss you until you get back home.

jam du jour: Playing Favorites - The Starting Line

I'm posting in bulk today and the reason why is because I'm going to hit a wall eventually where I won't write anything. I figure that I might as well ride this wave as long as I can (oh, sweet boogie boarding on Saturday).

Plus, I just had to put this up. I'm counting down the day until Kuya Angelo comes home.



Love love love, Kuya.

Make a note of this.

jam du jour: I Am Trying To Break Your Heart - Wilco

I know how to play the game. I know how to get in and I know how to get out. I know how to win and yeah, I accept losing. But trust, this is one game that you can not beat me in. Why? Because I'm not down for this kind of shit.

Once again, I wish there was more that I could say but I'm going to let the blind lead the blind this time around. Remember what I said earlier? Everyone has to keep their secrets or at least share it with a select few. I keep mine, too bad you can't keep yours.

On the topic of secrets, I think the only way I'd ever share them is via postsecret.com. Secrets are not as unique as one might think, which is can be both good and bad. Interesting.

Enjoy your day. Mine just got a little more tense, not what I had in mind.

Bird hay!

jam du jour: Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin

Today is the 21st anniversary of Frances Olivares being expelled from her mother's uterus. Happy 21st anniversary, my love!

Today is also the day that I will get myself on the right track and right mind set to complete what needs to be done. Why? Well, I have a lot on my plate (I should take a picture of my calendar which oddly enough lies behind my laptop... of course I can't see my calendar either when my laptop is open, on purpose perhaps?) and also I'd like to be able to celebrate the debauchery of yet another one of my good friend's twenty-firsts.

Not that I would ever take part in the debauchery, I'd be more of an onlooker.... Heh. I mean, I swear! ;)

It's late, or early.

jam du jour: For You From Me - Jon McLaughlin

I'll be up in roughly 5 hours as of 1:22am. However, I'm sure I won't crawl into bed until about 2am, and in that case, I'll be up in about 4 hours and 32 minutes. I had the urge to raise this from the dead for kicks and because, for my non-livejournal folk, this is "easier than livejournal." What an easy solution. Ho hum.

I came across this entry from my freshman year of college about something my dad told me and my heart melted:

"I know that your intention is to help people, I Know that's how you are. I know you have good intentions, but when you're trying to help someone out, make sure that you won't get hurt or be in trouble in the end. This was just a mistake that you will learn from. You are not a disappointment, you are from that. You just made an error in judgment, a mistake. I know you and you are all things good. I am always and will always be proud of you, Isa."

I didn't get a chance to see my parents this past weekend, so this may have just made matters worse. I have got to admit, I love going home and I love seeing my parents. Which is quite the opposite of a couple of my friends here at school. Anyway, I need to keep that in mind, because it was one of the most heartwarming moments I have ever had with my parents, especially my dad.

I've opened up my life up to interpretation for another time and I'm going to regret it if I keep getting comments like that ones I've been receiving. All I have to say, as well as remind myself of, is that I need to be content with being single, being where I am and who I am, and realize that I have much more important things to focus on. What's to come is to come and all I can do is keep living my life to see where things lead rather than listen to the predictions of others. Don't get me wrong, they're funny predictions and if I were an outsider to my own life, I would be saying the same things as well and that's the problem. If I hear too much of it, my brain my flip a switch and may travel down the path I've been able to block off. It's not a bad path, but it's not the good one either. Downside, I wish I could really say more but you know how it goes. Like I told one of my patients today = the one that I had a good 2 1/2 hour conversation with - everyone has their own little secrets, they just have to. Otherwise we'd all go a little insane; you've gotta keep what's yours to yourself or at least among a select few.

It's time to make my slow crawl into bed or at least study. I shall now leave you with this:

It's nice to know that, isn't it? Remember, I am here.

Until next time. Slumber, here I come.